Hey Obama, gimme back my guns!

Well, you can’t say they didn’t warn us. If you were reading your NRA magazine, paying attention to freerepublic.com or watching Fox News, you were prepared for this.
The jack-booted thugs came a knockin’ yesterday. Apparently our socialist president is so incompetent that it took him two years to get around to it.
They didn’t take all my guns, just the ones I use for personal protection: the .22 in the hall closet by the front door, the .357 in the bedside table, the .45 in my glove compartment and the uzi in the linen closet by the toilet. You don’t want to be caught off guard when you’re on the can.
Somehow they knew where to find them all. I’ve torn off all the paneling looking for the cameras and microphones, but I haven’t found them yet. I should send Obama the bill, but I don’t believe in handouts.
Eventually they’ll come for the hunting rifle and shotgun, too. I guess they think a piecemeal approach to gun control will keep us from revolting, and it seems to be working. For now.
Next week, I have my first meeting with the Death Panel, aka my doctor. He’s gonna tell me how long I get to live before I’m euthanized.
We’ve stopped planning for another kid. They told us Obama and the Democrats would institute forced abortions, and now that they’re taking our guns, the 1-child policy won’t be far behind.
I’ve heard Planned Parenthood is replacing the Department of Health and Human Services. What do you expect from socialized medicine?
Comrade Obama released his birth certificate, but some of us are not convinced. When you have the whole U.S. government at your disposal, how hard is it to fake a document? No harder than faking the assassination of a terrorist, I reckon.
Have you heard that Obama didn’t actually attend Columbia? They can’t find a single person who knew him there, and not one old girlfriend has come forward. That can only mean two things: Either he’s a Manchurian Candidate created by the left-wing shadow government, or he’s a homosexual.
Don’t get me going on the gays. Obama may say he’s against gay marriage, but you wouldn’t know it by what his Department of Education is shoving down my kids’ throats. I pulled them out of school because of all the “tolerance” talk they were getting. I’m the most tolerant person on the face of the earth, as long as they’re not flaunting their gayness all over the TV. Next time I see two guys kissing, I swear I’m gonna put my foot through the screen.
It wasn’t just the tolerance that made me decide to homeschool. Can someone explain to me why they can’t teach creationism side-by-side with evolution? I’m not saying they shouldn’t teach evolution (See? Tolerance!), but why can’t they just teach both sides and let kids make up their own mind? After all, evolution is just a theory, same as creation.
I’m expecting a call from the death farm later this summer to make an appointment for my mom. I hear the tree huggers at the EPA have decided no one can live past 85 if we’re gonna save the rainforest and avert “climate change.”
They had to change the name from “global warming” because it turns out the weather is actually getting colder. You won’t hear that from the lame-stream media, of course, because they’re too scared of Al Gore and the Sierra Club.
Guess I should put the Hummer on the market before all the potential buyers catch on to what’s happening.
Anyway, I’m not gonna say I told you so, but next time maybe you should listen to the warnings.

Brett Larson is the editor of the Messenger.

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